Friday, 10th April 2009
Her thoughts are convoluted. She has been meaning to write to untangle the sentiments but she could not point a finger to where she should begin.
Probably friends. Believe it or not…she has been thinking of a few individuals EVERYDAY since the past week. Yes everyday. Allah knows why.
Sahar. She has accepted Allah’s will, but ever since she got the news, Sahar is in her thoughts every now and then, especially when she is in spiritual mode. May Allah bless her soul. Zee loves Sahar!
Duaa. She thinks of Duaa because of Sahar. She was as close to Duaa when interning in Dubai as she was to Sahar…and she wonders how Duaa is coping. If she is in Dubai right now, she would go visit Duaa and give her a tight tight hug. (She will probably end up crying on Duaa’s shoulder). May Allah give Duaa the strength to overcome the grief. Zee loves Duaa!
Eunice & Mas. Her two closest friends (other than Yaya) in Singapore, since 2005. They have been her soccer mates since the first club she joined. Met Mas first (then Yaya) and Eunice a little later. Currently, both Eunice and Mas are away in Laos for a community service project. She realized how much they mean to her. She has never felt lonelier despite still having other friends around, going out for soccer trainings and catching up with SMU friends. She misses the two of them so much so that she sometimes hates being around the others. She doesn’t show it, but she can’t help feeling it. She is eagerly awaiting their return, hopefully tomorrow. Feels like forever. May Allah grant them both a safe journey home. Zee loves Eunice & Mas (and Yaya)!
Her Saudi friend who is in Singapore. The last time they communicated, the friend did not sound very happy. She has been worried for the friend since then. Hope the friend is coping find with the culture shock of being in a competitive country like Singapore. Singaporeans can admittedly be a cold bunch of people who are always so caught up with their own lives (mostly chasing certificates or money) that long term visitors to this country may feel overwhelmed. She is proud to not be one of those, although she too, was often sucked into the workaholics’ way of life. Alhamdulillah, Allah granted her with some compassion. She is meeting the friend this weekend, insha’Allah. May Allah grant the friend the strength to overcome the barriers and problems the friend is facing in this foreign country. Zee loves the Saudi friend.
Rozanna. Her best friend since Primary School. Rozanna is in Syria now, with hubby and baby Taqwa. Recently, she has been thinking about how out of touch she is with her madrasah friends since they all suddenly popped up in facebook. She imagines if she were to have a reunion of some sort with her old classmates, she would probably feel out of place. Rozanna has been the only one consistent in her life. May Allah keep Rozanna and her family safe in Syria. Zee loves the best friend.
Oddly, some friends she was close to at one point in time ‘came back’ into her life. She is happy they did, but the bond, which she used to have with them, has disappeared. Probably out of disappointment. Once upon a time, she used to try so hard with everyone she possibly loved but over time, she decided some are just not worth it. It took her a long way to come to a point of resignation but now that she has resigned, she finds it hard to turn back. As always, she is nice to whoever reaching out to her because that’s her nature, but her approach now is with full of cynicism. She feels that it shouldn’t be so, but the mind is now no more allowing the heart to rule. Maybe it is for the better. Maybe it is not for the better. Allah knows.
Zee has no problem loving. She only has difficulty trusting.
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” George MacDonald.
Allah knows.
Entries (RSS)