Friday, 17th April 2009
To my baby girl,
I should apologize. It was probably too sudden, the burst of emotion. I am sorry, but I have my own anxiety. Many times I told you I am not petty, but that’s for once or twice. When it happened too frequently, I got tired of not being petty. There is such a thing that they call the ‘last straw’. I had it. I am sorry I had to show you that I had it.
I could have stretched my patience if only I had more time, but I don’t. In any relationship, there are ups and downs and it takes a reasonable amount of time to reach a certain understanding. Ours is new but we do not have the leisure of time. The clock went ticking and so my patience wore thin. I am sorry.
I am not denying your concern for me. I know that was genuine. I am not trying to punish and I am not refusing your apologies. I acknowledge your remorse and I know that you miss me. I miss you too but I was not ready. I could not look at you again as long as there are little remains (of hurt). I want to see you again with the kind of ecstasy I used to have. I want to see you again with an expression that’s free of agony. Right now, I am starting over. I need to start anew so when I see you, I will still look at you as my baby. I want to touch and hug you again as if I was never displeased.
Please bear with me. I still love you. Wholeheartedly.
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